Brokenness Unlocked, Who are you?

God bless you my friend thank you for stopping by, today is a testimonial type of blog I pray you pull something for yourself from it or maybe you know someone that it could lead them in the direction of Christ.

What if God asked you right in this moment Who are you? What would your response be? Well that happened to me a few months ago. There I was sitting in service running the camera like I do most of the time, while the preached word was going forth and I heard the Lord ask “Who are you?” Not sure what the meaning of it was so I wrote it in my notes and said I’ll come back to it. Side note: (Like many other words I hear, my notes are full of random statements and such that I am to research. Some I have researched and some I haven’t.) Ok I’m back!!!!! Fast forward 4 months I honestly forgot I wrote that. A good friend of mine told me about a dream they had about me. I won’t go into too much detail but basically someone in his dream was asking me that very same question “Who are you?” I thought it was an interesting dream until I was skimming through my many notes and found that note I wrote 4 months prior. Then the dream became profound to me and I said ok Lord what are you saying?

So, before the Lord could answer I began to think and try to figure this out like who am I. I found scriptures where Jesus was asked Who He is and what His response was. For many of us we attach who we are to our identity. Identity is defined as who you are, the way you think about yourself, the way you are viewed by the world and the characteristics that define you. This is one way of looking at the question and this is the way most people took it when asked. Oh yes, I took a poll and asked people the same question to get an understanding of the response and if they were comfortable expressing it. In a lot of cases, because I asked the question it threw most people off and depending on how they answered or how long it took made me think about a few things. Now I only thought about these things because I have experienced the same feelings so please don’t think I am throwing shade at anyone! Some people I could tell where comfortable with who they are other people weren’t so comfortable. But let me tell you I don’t feel that this question presented by the Lord was meant for me to ask myself. I had it wrong, this isn’t it!

Who are you? God answered me and it wasn’t peaches and cream for me. God was saying to me that our relationship isn’t where it was, or it isn’t where it should be or it isn’t where it could be or we don’t have a relationship wait maybe you just don’t seem that familiar to me at all because I don’t know you! Why won’t you do what I told you to do? You are broken!!!!! You are broken because you don’t know who you are, because you are focused on the wrong things, because you haven’t been obedient, because you doubt who you are in Me! You are slipping on dry ground now you have fallen down in your brokenness. Now look you are broken just like when you were 11. I asked who you are as an awareness of where you are!

My God that was HEAVY!!! To say the least!!!

One evening, when I was about a week or so away from my 12^th birthday I was outside playing with my friends. It was dark outside so we made it a point to always be in a group with each other in front of someone’s house on the block. On this particular evening we congregated at my house and we were just running around playing hide and seek or something. When one of my friends had the idea of a long jump competition, we all agreed at least all the boys did. My mother was in her bedroom watching tv and my father was in the den which was like his man cave back then watching tv. Both rooms happened to be on the same side of the house which was the same side of the house we decided to gather and play at. So, we began to run along the side of the house which made a lot of noise which disturbed my dad in his man cave watching tv so he came to the front door. My dad is 6’3 ½” tall with a very deep voice that to a young kid carries across the open fields and it even bends around walls and seems to cause minor earthquakes. He stands at the door and says “Hey stop running along the side of this house making all that noise.” So, we all snapped upright startled by the sound of his voice and said yes sir. My dad returns to his regularly scheduled program on tv and we being the kids we are return to running and jumping as before but much quieter. It’s of course my turn to jump I began to run the length of the house and I hit the line like a track and field star and jump. I’m floating through the air with this smile on my face because I know I just beat my opponent. My feet hit the ground first and then my feet return to the air as my body shifts into a downward motion. (Fancy words for I slipped on my landing) My back hits the ground in a violent manner and the laughter begins. I giggle and lay there for a second gather my pride and begin the embarrassing attempt to stand. As I reach with my left arm to push myself up off the ground I fall again as if my arm gave out. Then I look at arm to see why it isn’t doing what it is supposed to do and I notice it doesn’t look right it’s not straight. I think to myself on no I just broke my arm now I have to tell my dad that I disobeyed him and while in the act I fell and broke my arm.

Brokenness is defined as being forcibly separated into two or more pieces; fractured; not functioning properly; changing direction abruptly.

So obviously I know that the Lord is so right and I was bombarded with feelings of shame and hurt then these scriptures came to mind. Hebrews 13:5 He will never leave me nor forsake me.  Hebrews 12:6-7 For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives. If you endure chastening God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? For as long as I can remember I haven’t functioned properly because something forcibly separated me into pieces and I’ve been picking up the pieces ever since being saved. The only problem was I wasn’t looking to God to make me whole again. I was just going through the motions of picking up the pieces because I feel like that is what I was supposed to do. God was showing me that I can’t do it without Him. I needed to return to my Father (God) repent and restore my relationship, to build my relationship or I will never become who God called me or purposed for me to be. I need to be obedient!

To come out I needed to know how I got in it just like when I was 11. It started with taking my focus off God by being disobedient. I disobeyed my father thinking there was no real reason why we couldn’t play on the side of the house just that he couldn’t hear his tv. That’s what I was really thinking to be honest. But had I obeyed him I wouldn’t have fallen and broken my arm. Spiritually if I would have kept my focus and ben obedient my relationship with God wouldn’t have been fractured. Second, it is not based off of my abilities I was so stuck in the fact that I knew I was better that I became arrogant and boastful. When really, I can do nothing without Christ. And even in that I would question what God had me to do based off of my own abilities or the lack thereof. I would question if the Lord really meant for me to do this because I’m not equipped or I would even suggest others to God. It reminds me of Moses in Exodus 4:10 and how the Lord gave instruction to him and Moses responded with “O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” That was me, I didn’t obey without question. See how the first meshes with the second? Disobedience then doubt and or pride gave birth to more disobedience. If you read further Moses even asked the Lord to pick someone else. Now that I realized I became broke cause of disobedience and doubt now I had to repent and ask the Lord to forgive me and to heal me. For the rest of the summer and into my first months of middle school I had to wear a cast so my arm could heal properly. Only the Lord can restore you and make you whole again, He embraced me like a cast and picked through all the broken pieces and removed the dirt and rocks and glass (the doubt, the shame, the insecurities the rejection, the hurt, the fear, the depression, the confusion) and everything else that didn’t belong and He put the broken pieces back together to restore me and make me whole to function properly to walk in Him.

I tell you that it’s not in self you can’t get to where you are going without God, without Him you are broke! He is wonderful and a forgiving God. Get back into relation with God! He is looking for you, He wants to talk with you and He wants to listen. Don’t lose your focus on God chasing after self! Does God know who you are?

It is my prayer that you received from the Lord through this testimonial writing. Thank you for reading, I pray you are filled with God’s love, joy, peace, favor His anointing and Holy Spirit and that you share what He has for you to share. God Bless you my friend!

Kevin